Thursday, November 24, 2016

A lie that destroyed every tie

Present:

She woke up horrified, picked up his phone while he was sleeping and quickly saw his messages. She started trembling with anger , with fear, with disbelieve. "How could this happen to me?" she murmured. She ran to the washroom and started crying uncontrollably. She felt sick, she hated him, she hated herself. She hated her life.

Background:
Sheena and Gautam were married to each other for 10 years now. They met each other in college and the cupid played its role. Soon after college, once they were comfortably earning enough to start a family; they tied the knot. It was a fairy tale love story where everything seemed so perfect. They were professionally reaching highs and were very happy with each other. For others theirs was a perfect love story and everyone considered them to be the perfect couple.

Sheena was bold and beautiful who loved talking her heart out. Gautam on the other hand was a quiet person who was social but took time to mingle. Always surrounded by friends, they had fun and ensured their lives were fulfilling enough in midst of all the running around and stress in the office.
There were times when they fought but it was a thumb rule for the couple to clear it up before going to bed every time.

With passing days, the relationship started to feel the stretch of time.Professional responsibilities increased leading to huge pressure at work and less time at home. Intensity of fights started increasing and slightest of disagreements would turn into huge fights. Sheena didn't know what was happening. Gautam never bothered to think about it. But conflicts led to crying, shouting, blaming each other, but finally patching up. Yes, the string attached between had began to weaken.

Gautam went on to become more busy with work to keep himself away from everyday fights. Sheena also started to concentrate on work and other hobbies to be busy and to calm herself. During this time, Gautam started talking about a colleague of his with whom he was working in his current project. As a habit he used to talk everything about his office with Sheena and many times during his talks these days he would talk about Ramya his new colleague. Sheena took it normally initially and ignored. Ramya was married and had a very loving husband Manoj. Gautam and Sheena many times met Ramya and Manoj outside office and at their respective homes for dinners and parties together. Although it was a friendship but something about Ramya's behaviour always disturbed Sheena and hence she confessed this in front of Gautam that how she felt Ramya to be artificial and selfish. Gautam ignored and just termed this as jealousy as Ramya was a female friend of his. Gautam pulled Sheena's legs for being a typical jealous wife and said Ramya was a good friend that's all.

Sheena thought she was overreacting and never expressed herself even if she disliked something between Gautam and Ramya. With time Gautam and Ramya became more close and the way Gautam always spoke about Ramya in all his topics irked Sheena to the core but she refused to express her feelings because Gautam would take it in a wrong way. But somewhere within herself she knew something was not right. Often in the night these days whenever she would wake up, she found Gautam awake and doing something on his phone. On being questioned he would say he was unable to sleep so he started playing game. Many times Gautam would hide the phone the moment Sheena would move, thinking she would see and comment on him for being awake so late in the night.

This disturbed Sheena, she had all sorts of thoughts in her mind. She decided to ask him if he and Ramya were more than friends to which Gautam reacted a bit rudely and they had a big fight. Gautam thought Sheena was overreacting and Sheena thought Gautam behaved unreasonably. But they decided to keep such fights aside and continue their relationship. Sheena was hurt, and always tried not to think much about this topic but she was unable to. She just knew that something wasn't right. She probably trusted Gautam but she was sure that Ramya's intentions were not right. Sheena didn't like her almost from their first day of interaction, yet she couldn't make Gautam understand her feelings probably because he never wanted to understand.

One night as always she woke up and saw Gautam still with his phone, she decided to stalk him and check what was it that he was hiding. That night when she ensured Gautam had dozed off, she quickly picked up his phone and scanned through all his messages only to feel the numbness in her hands and feet. She became lifeless for a while. His phone was full with messages from this girl whose number he saved as Bliss in his phone. There were messages which said she missed him, messages which said she loved him, messages where she expressed how happy she was to have him in his life, messages where she said she wanted to hold him and walk, messages which said she wanted to kiss him. Good Morning and Good night messages were shared. Everyday's activities were shared of when they reached office, when they would meet again, when they reached home. She quietly kept the phone and tried to calm herself up but she just couldn't. She just couldn't stop crying while Gautam was calmly sleeping.

The next morning was usual for Gautam, but Sheena was fighting a tornado within herself. Finally she confronted Gautam but to her surprise he denied having anyone in his life. He quickly deleted his messages and kept arguing that there was no one other than her in his life. After 5 days of fights, arguments, and proofs Sheena gave, Gautam confronted that it was Ramya who used to message him but he didn't have anything from his side. He said Ramya expressed herself and said she did this to every friend she met.  Gautam agreed and thought Ramya might be telling the truth. Sheena said she wouldn't accept these things and would want him to end this here right away. Gautam took his phone and messaged Ramya not to message him ever again.  Ramya agreed without any questions.

Ramya though hurt thought she could probably give her marriage a second chance. That night Sheena and Gautam spoke about everything under the sky, about their differences which were growing and discussed what went wrong between them that Gautam couldn't come and discuss about all these things. Gautam said he loves only Sheena and he couldn't think his life without her by his side. Sheena believed Gautam and they hugged each other and slept that night.

Back to Present:

She woke up horrified, picked up his phone while he was sleeping and quickly saw his messages. She started trembling with anger , with fear, with disbelieve. "How could this happen to me?" she murmured. She ran to the washroom and started crying uncontrollably. She felt sick, she hated him, she hated herself. She hated her life.  She just saw Gautam had written to Ramya "Darling do not worry, sleep well... My earlier messages were just to calm Sheena as she was very upset. We will meet and talk tomorrow.' Probably he forgot to erase that message after sending it to Ramya or probably he thought Sheena wouldn't check his phone again.





Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Do intuitions Lie?

Your heart knows what your mind cannot explain. Have you ever noticed this? Sometimes I guess it's important for us to listen to what our intuition says but often we can't hear it clearly as our head wouldn't shut up shouting. I believe in talking to god while praying  and always thought god is talking back to me with intuition. I do not think I am a very religious person but I have always felt a strong connection with the supreme power which has guided me throughout my life. I sometimes understood the signs and sometimes ignored but have always felt the presence of the guidance.

While walking the path that was laid for me in life, I wouldn't say I was always right and never made any mistakes but I can say this for sure that I never regretted trusting my instincts. I found my instincts never lied to me. Many times I chose not to listen to the voice within me that probably didn't have many words. Many times I chose to ignore the few signs that I got. Many times I couldn't explain with words what I could decipher what was being communicated to me by my intuition. Many times I was helpless and had to go with the flow.

But one thing which I realized was that if something isn't feeling right then probably it isn't.. Just Listen to the inner voice coz I guess your intuition would be the most honest and loyal friend that you can ever have. Probably an intelligent person would use his/her intelligence to prove his intuitions right but sometimes it just doesn't register in our minds even if deep down you know the truth. Probably intuition always tells us what we need to understand but we humans are tuned to always listen and know what we want to know and listten. May be that's one main reason we never think much about what we do, what we feel, what we listen and sometimes what we see. Logically it might take years of experience for the mind to sort out things which the intuition can intelligently convey to the soul and our part is to trust it and probably the reason will follow with time.

I am no expert in this but I have felt the power of my intuitions and have understood that sometimes I do not need to justify or explain my feelings to anyone, I should just follow my intuition. I guess it's the thing with everyone. We just need to connect to our inner selves to find out our next course of actions. Probably the one who listens to his/her intuition can easily connect to one's soul. Your soul is the representation of you, your thinking, your knowledge, of your existence, and he who can connect to the soul can never lead a life in disaster coz the soul connects us to the supreme power. The power which is there to connect us to the roots.. connect us to ourselves.



Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Helping women in getting the right foundation for their career growth

In this progressive world, it has become a  ritual to be a part of the race knowingly or unknowingly. Even if we intend to sit back for a while, we just end up finding ourselves few steps behind our counterparts. In this fast track life, women are constantly trying to juggle their personal and professional lives giving utmost priority to whatever is required at that point of time. We are doing well;  no doubt on that and these days the male partners have become quite aware of the said situation so mostly men are trying to help their partners in whatever way they can.

But there are situations which many women face that might force them to keep their careers at the back seat for a while and proceed in life even if they do not want that to happen. We can take examples like pregnancy or marriage in a different city, after delivery care for kids. There are many situations in life where women have chosen family over their careers, sometimes wanting that whole heartedly but many times not wanting to do so. Even if few women have chosen their careers they have ensured they are doing justice to their families by being extra cautious and eventually have ignored their own well being and health. I agree, the decision to work or not to work is totally personal but if we decide to work isn't it fair to get the same kind of support a male counterpart would get?

My intention to write here is to bring to the notice of many what I have personally observed in the corporate world where men and women are working together. Yes we have come a long way from being a society which didn't allow women to work to a society which  allows and gives women equal rights to work. But is this enough or there are few more steps that we have never explored in giving women an equal and fair chance to compete with the world? Can we take out few moments to give a thoughtful view on are we giving women equal opportunities like men?

Yes statistically speaking,  when I google it says a shocking reality of the number of women leaders the world has today. So I don't see any point in giving numbers here as we can all Google and get the data handy. We all know, it is the truth that when it comes to positions at the top women are way beyond their male counterparts. Does it really mean women are not capable or does it mean that they have actually not got the podium to stand strong when they were in a position to chose between career and family. I may want to focus the discussion on why women ever have to stand in the path with bifurcations of career and family?

Just to take few examples, I have seen many times married women being denied a position and a male counterpart being selected only because the hiring manager thought it would be troublesome if the woman plans for a baby soon in future. I have heard HRs asking this question during interviews whether or not a woman is planning for a baby in the near future. I am sure men can raise their hands in agreement that they have never come across such questions during interviews. I have seen many girls denied leaves for marriage and eventually had to quit. I have seen many girls leaving their jobs only to go and get settled in a different place where her groom was and eventually struggling a lot to get a job in the new place due to many reasons.

I am not hear to discuss on whether or not these thoughts are right or wrong coz I have been a part of ample number of such discussions and have never seen any outcome. Rather have seen a lot of friends becoming foes because they didn't think it was wrong. So coming straight to the point, we know its business and so we would talk from the business point of view, also keeping in mind that corporate world has got some social responsibilities and how a corporate can actively contribute towards making the society more friendly for both the genders and of course the next generations.

1) Women are eligible for paid Maternity leave of 3/6 months which was defined for a good cause but may be 30% of the times a married woman is denied a position because she is eligible to avail it. Can the organizations come up with paternity leaves as well for more or less the same number of days? This will not only ensure to omit the fears of the recruiter but also help in father-child bonding. Speaking business, we can always have bench resources trained and qualified for the role of the person in leave and since it's a long process the backup can be planned well in advance.

2) After delivery many women are unable to join back because they do not have anyone to take care of the kids at home. Wouldn't it make sense if we can actively motivate such women and facilitate them to be a part of projects that can support working from home. This can be availed by women who really need it and this can also be planned well in advance. This ensures women can work without a break in the resume and can contribute to her family without hampering her career.

3) For few women the organization can arrange for some online trainings related to work or certification programs that would be helpful when women after maternity leave join back for contribution towards the business. Women can be at par with the newest technologies and terminologies and their new found knowledge can be used for the benefit of the organization.

4) There can be policies within organizations giving preferences to spouse hiring so that getting married in a different city ensures a smooth transitioning in jobs too.

5) The questions like family planning can then be directed towards both the genders in the interest of business, mandating selection based on interview results.

The above points or incidents may not be true all the time but we cannot deny the fact that these do not occur. By taking few steps towards helping women in strengthening their base we can bring about a small revolution. By just being there as help, I am sure a resource involved in training or some kind of work is always better than having a resource in sabbatical leave. This not only helps the company but also helps women and society in general.

This would ensure women who would have left their jobs at some point of time otherwise can continue their career without a break which will be helpful for them to grow to the next level. Leadership qualities and multi tasking can be nurtured in this manner which will surely be helpful as women grow up the ladder of success.

Surely this move doesn't ensure  increase in number of women leaders, that anyway depends on capability but it would definitely lay a foundation so that women do not lose the race due to constraints which are not in her hands. Utilizing the benefits for the betterment of self and the organization is solely the person's responsibility and yes those to take advantage of such policies and misuse the given opportunity should definitely be dealt with in a proper manner.

By building a system that doesn't differentiate between the genders, rather help in building a better society and better employees, the organizations would directly help in upliftment of women in general and make things equal in real sense.